Well done Jack! I think economic insecurity is the main branch that ties to the others. For much of American history but also history of men world wide is tied with material success. Even in long ago times men were measured the ability to provide which is tied back to assets.
Much if this is tied to the pressures we place on each other and for the first time there are no simple answers. So much is changing at a rapid pace that secure guarantees are gone the next day. This plays a major role on people's psyche. I think technology has also made us forget two things. Being alone is not always lonely and that you have to choose who you are. In the end Rousseau said it best.
"Man is born free yet everywhere he is in chains."
I had a similar experience with mentorship being essential in shaping the path that my career is on. I'm going to give Notes on Being a Man a read after checking out this article. Thanks for this, Jack.
Well done Jack. Excellent thoughts and well written. Keep on pursuing truth into the "hard things". Dr. A won't steer you wrong, you've got a great mentor.
You are kind, my friend. I have been thinking that we need a reconnect. I know you have a lot going on. When you are ready, I would love to have a cup of coffee and catch up.
New Zealand researchers put out a paper on the topic of "Toxic Masculinity" recently. They found that most males don't exhibit the traits commonly associated with the "name". The media has taken actions that are identified as "toxic" or made extrapolations about motives without any real backing.
This isn't to say there aren't people promoting horrible things, but the vast majority of males find that same behavior abhorant.
My theory is that young men are experiencing a level of anxiety about financial issues brought on by growing up as a generation where they had lots of things. The pressure was on their parents to provide the cell phone, tablet, "thing" and when the burden shifted, the income didn't match. Income Smoothing requires we acknowledge that the struggles of being young and trying to get established requires sacrifice. (This is different from suffering, where asking/needing help is more of the issue.)
The value society places on things has younger people willing to go on HGTV and whine about not having perfectly remodeled kitchens/bathrooms with high end everything. Only later do you learn they are getting the downpayment from "The Bank of Mom/Dad." That's not the reality of 40 years ago. Yes, the income to mortgage ratio was lower and things cost less as a percentage of income.
The cycle on social media distorts reality.
*Lived in Boca Raton in my 20's and learned a valuable lesson. Many of the things people had were leveraged. Expensive cars on leases. Homes mortgaged to the hilt. Credit usage at its upper limits. People posing as frauds?
**So many cognitive biases that are easily addressed by asking the person with the thing- "How did you do it? And can you show me how I could do that?" It exposes the right way and the highly suspect version of personal wealth.
Thanks for this note. I give a lecture about Gen Z’s mindset. One of the issues I talk about is unrealistic expectations and how success is defined. The pressure from the parents is huge too.
Love this, I see your theory play out everyday. I've been affected by this theory, but not intentionally. As I've gone through college, I've had the expenses paid for by my parents shift over to me and it's heavily increased my anxiety.
Thanks Jack. As I was reading / listening to your post, it made me think what an incredible post. I will share it with my young family members, male and female because I believe that applies to both genders and it also applies to different countries. This is amazing many thanks Jack for helping to understand your generation more.
Great job, Jack. I haven’t read the book yet, but it’s definitely one I’ll check out next time I’m at the library.
It’s tough to look out at my own students and watch young women (as a group) outperform young men (as a group) on nearly every metric imaginable: grades, involvement in clubs, internships, research, and more.
The line that stuck with me most (and one I think speaks to a lot of what you raised) was: “Build your own identity, not one copied from the internet.” I struggled a lot to fit in when I was younger, but there was eventually a moment where I realized it was okay to be different than eeryone else.
That said, I do wonder how much of this is specific to young men versus part of a broader challenge facing young people today. Masculinity clearly brings its own set of issues, but many of the struggles you mentioned cut across gender lines.
The whole be yourself advice is critical. I would say that one thing I have enjoyed about writing and creating content is that it has allowed me to lean into myself. The posts where I am more me tend to have more engagement. Early in our careers, the pressure to fit in was overwhelming. How do we reduce that pressure for the next generation?
I haven’t found a scalable solution yet, but I’ve noticed that one-on-one conversations make a big difference. Young men are often hesitant to commit to opportunities when others are around. Perhaps they want to seem cool or indifferent.
But in a private conversation? They’re much more open, and I’ve seen real passion and interest come through. It’s in those quieter moments that they’re often most willing to engage and take a chance on something new.
I've struggled with my own identity for the longest time, but I've made some serious progress the past year and a half.
Also, you make a great point about a lot of these issues cutting across gender lines, which is true, but a lot of these issues tend to have a greater affect on men. That's not to undermine the affect on all groups at all and you make a great point. I'd love to do a follow up post that dives into some of the statistics a little deeper.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on The Anxious Generation, as I've only really heard from people my own age with young children. I'd be really curious to know if the work he is sharing resonates in the same way with the people he's talking about.
To say I’m worried about the state of masculinity and what it means for young men is an understatement.
Being a strong man is little different from being a strong person. He should be reliable, both in his household and in his community. Strength is being empathetic, seeking out others’ perspectives, and acknowledging that he doesn’t know it all — and it surely isn’t being combative or aggressive.
I think the author nailed it by mentioning that young men should seek out stability. Don’t fall into the trap of the kind of performative masculinity that social media encourages. Find your passions, cultivate your skills, and work every day to become a bit more of a rounded person.
As with other commenters, I agree the driving force here is economic insecurity. This is only recently becoming an issue for men. Historically, women's economic security was tied to that of the man she was married to. As women have joined the workforce, become more independent, that's been less the case. However, female dominated fields are still paid less than male dominated fields. Heck, women couldn't get their own credit cards until 1974. So men are only just beginning to feel the struggles that others have long faced. This does attribute to the male loneliness aspect in some regards because now men need to bring more to relationships than just financial stability. In short, financial instability is the only new, exclusive struggle that young men face compared to others.
Young women and men are facing the other aspects equally, though maybe differently. The online world is taking its toll on everyone. Men are more statistically prone to addictions than women, I'll give you that. But they still doom scroll just like anyone else. However, the content they're fed maybe not as damaging as what men receive. And this is where the Societal Pressures section really comes in. There are people making gross content, feeding on the struggles of young men and offering them bad solutions to their problems. But because of the struggles, it's being consumed and accepted by young men, further adding to the issues.
The points you mention show part of the problem. "Be strong," physically? Emotionally? Physical strength is seldom needed in life. Being physically fit and healthy should be the target. Anything more, like body building, is a hobby and not a standard. Everyone should be emotionally strong. "Provide," for who? As I covered in the first part, women have gained some semblance of financial independence. The thought that men still need to provide for a family is a dated format. If your goal is to find and marry someone, it's an equal partnership nowadays. One working parent households are no longer the standard in the modern world, at least not in America. "Be confident, but not aggressive," goes for anyone. There's a difference between confidence and hubris.
This inevitably circles back to the conversation about "masculinity." Where I've settled on this, myself, is that masculinity is nothing more than standards other men try to set upon you. Ask yourself who that man is? Some influencer or stranger online? Why does their opinion matter to you? Who SHOULD you be trying to impress? I like the recommendation of seeking a mentor here. Preferably someone you can sit down with in person. Unfortunately, a lot of the problematic people online offer these types of services online, often through paid models.
Young men, at this point, are no more lost than anyone else has been. The only thing that's different is that it's a level playing field with others. Listening to people who tell you otherwise or blame others for where young men find themselves will only make you further lost.
Thank you for this well-thought-out explanation. I have wondered whether this "lost feeling" is due to not knowing how to operate in a level-playing-field environment.
Jack, I applaud you for this post. Would you like to help shift the course of your generation? I invite you to contribute to our Substack, www.graycollar.com. Let me know. We need yiur voice.
Well done Jack! I think economic insecurity is the main branch that ties to the others. For much of American history but also history of men world wide is tied with material success. Even in long ago times men were measured the ability to provide which is tied back to assets.
Much if this is tied to the pressures we place on each other and for the first time there are no simple answers. So much is changing at a rapid pace that secure guarantees are gone the next day. This plays a major role on people's psyche. I think technology has also made us forget two things. Being alone is not always lonely and that you have to choose who you are. In the end Rousseau said it best.
"Man is born free yet everywhere he is in chains."
Love the Insight. The issues effecting young men are ever-changing.
Love that quote as well.
I had a similar experience with mentorship being essential in shaping the path that my career is on. I'm going to give Notes on Being a Man a read after checking out this article. Thanks for this, Jack.
Well done Jack. Excellent thoughts and well written. Keep on pursuing truth into the "hard things". Dr. A won't steer you wrong, you've got a great mentor.
You are kind, my friend. I have been thinking that we need a reconnect. I know you have a lot going on. When you are ready, I would love to have a cup of coffee and catch up.
C'est las vie haha! All great things and I'll reach out here shortly!
I wont take his mentorship for granted, I've already grown so much.
Thanks for your comment!
Well written, Jack.
New Zealand researchers put out a paper on the topic of "Toxic Masculinity" recently. They found that most males don't exhibit the traits commonly associated with the "name". The media has taken actions that are identified as "toxic" or made extrapolations about motives without any real backing.
This isn't to say there aren't people promoting horrible things, but the vast majority of males find that same behavior abhorant.
https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2027-02373-001.html
My theory is that young men are experiencing a level of anxiety about financial issues brought on by growing up as a generation where they had lots of things. The pressure was on their parents to provide the cell phone, tablet, "thing" and when the burden shifted, the income didn't match. Income Smoothing requires we acknowledge that the struggles of being young and trying to get established requires sacrifice. (This is different from suffering, where asking/needing help is more of the issue.)
The value society places on things has younger people willing to go on HGTV and whine about not having perfectly remodeled kitchens/bathrooms with high end everything. Only later do you learn they are getting the downpayment from "The Bank of Mom/Dad." That's not the reality of 40 years ago. Yes, the income to mortgage ratio was lower and things cost less as a percentage of income.
The cycle on social media distorts reality.
*Lived in Boca Raton in my 20's and learned a valuable lesson. Many of the things people had were leveraged. Expensive cars on leases. Homes mortgaged to the hilt. Credit usage at its upper limits. People posing as frauds?
**So many cognitive biases that are easily addressed by asking the person with the thing- "How did you do it? And can you show me how I could do that?" It exposes the right way and the highly suspect version of personal wealth.
Thanks for this note. I give a lecture about Gen Z’s mindset. One of the issues I talk about is unrealistic expectations and how success is defined. The pressure from the parents is huge too.
Reminds me of this discussion https://open.substack.com/pub/decodeecon/p/the-video-that-started-it-all-are?r=eikdh&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlay
Love this, I see your theory play out everyday. I've been affected by this theory, but not intentionally. As I've gone through college, I've had the expenses paid for by my parents shift over to me and it's heavily increased my anxiety.
Thanks for your comment!
Thanks Jack. As I was reading / listening to your post, it made me think what an incredible post. I will share it with my young family members, male and female because I believe that applies to both genders and it also applies to different countries. This is amazing many thanks Jack for helping to understand your generation more.
Great job, Jack. I haven’t read the book yet, but it’s definitely one I’ll check out next time I’m at the library.
It’s tough to look out at my own students and watch young women (as a group) outperform young men (as a group) on nearly every metric imaginable: grades, involvement in clubs, internships, research, and more.
The line that stuck with me most (and one I think speaks to a lot of what you raised) was: “Build your own identity, not one copied from the internet.” I struggled a lot to fit in when I was younger, but there was eventually a moment where I realized it was okay to be different than eeryone else.
That said, I do wonder how much of this is specific to young men versus part of a broader challenge facing young people today. Masculinity clearly brings its own set of issues, but many of the struggles you mentioned cut across gender lines.
The whole be yourself advice is critical. I would say that one thing I have enjoyed about writing and creating content is that it has allowed me to lean into myself. The posts where I am more me tend to have more engagement. Early in our careers, the pressure to fit in was overwhelming. How do we reduce that pressure for the next generation?
I haven’t found a scalable solution yet, but I’ve noticed that one-on-one conversations make a big difference. Young men are often hesitant to commit to opportunities when others are around. Perhaps they want to seem cool or indifferent.
But in a private conversation? They’re much more open, and I’ve seen real passion and interest come through. It’s in those quieter moments that they’re often most willing to engage and take a chance on something new.
I've struggled with my own identity for the longest time, but I've made some serious progress the past year and a half.
Also, you make a great point about a lot of these issues cutting across gender lines, which is true, but a lot of these issues tend to have a greater affect on men. That's not to undermine the affect on all groups at all and you make a great point. I'd love to do a follow up post that dives into some of the statistics a little deeper.
Thanks for your comment!
I'd love to hear your thoughts on The Anxious Generation, as I've only really heard from people my own age with young children. I'd be really curious to know if the work he is sharing resonates in the same way with the people he's talking about.
To say I’m worried about the state of masculinity and what it means for young men is an understatement.
Being a strong man is little different from being a strong person. He should be reliable, both in his household and in his community. Strength is being empathetic, seeking out others’ perspectives, and acknowledging that he doesn’t know it all — and it surely isn’t being combative or aggressive.
I think the author nailed it by mentioning that young men should seek out stability. Don’t fall into the trap of the kind of performative masculinity that social media encourages. Find your passions, cultivate your skills, and work every day to become a bit more of a rounded person.
Love this reinforcement.
Thanks for your comment!
Jack did a great job with this post. Your advice is supportive, thanks, Michael.
Absolutely agree! Well done, Jack.
As with other commenters, I agree the driving force here is economic insecurity. This is only recently becoming an issue for men. Historically, women's economic security was tied to that of the man she was married to. As women have joined the workforce, become more independent, that's been less the case. However, female dominated fields are still paid less than male dominated fields. Heck, women couldn't get their own credit cards until 1974. So men are only just beginning to feel the struggles that others have long faced. This does attribute to the male loneliness aspect in some regards because now men need to bring more to relationships than just financial stability. In short, financial instability is the only new, exclusive struggle that young men face compared to others.
Young women and men are facing the other aspects equally, though maybe differently. The online world is taking its toll on everyone. Men are more statistically prone to addictions than women, I'll give you that. But they still doom scroll just like anyone else. However, the content they're fed maybe not as damaging as what men receive. And this is where the Societal Pressures section really comes in. There are people making gross content, feeding on the struggles of young men and offering them bad solutions to their problems. But because of the struggles, it's being consumed and accepted by young men, further adding to the issues.
The points you mention show part of the problem. "Be strong," physically? Emotionally? Physical strength is seldom needed in life. Being physically fit and healthy should be the target. Anything more, like body building, is a hobby and not a standard. Everyone should be emotionally strong. "Provide," for who? As I covered in the first part, women have gained some semblance of financial independence. The thought that men still need to provide for a family is a dated format. If your goal is to find and marry someone, it's an equal partnership nowadays. One working parent households are no longer the standard in the modern world, at least not in America. "Be confident, but not aggressive," goes for anyone. There's a difference between confidence and hubris.
This inevitably circles back to the conversation about "masculinity." Where I've settled on this, myself, is that masculinity is nothing more than standards other men try to set upon you. Ask yourself who that man is? Some influencer or stranger online? Why does their opinion matter to you? Who SHOULD you be trying to impress? I like the recommendation of seeking a mentor here. Preferably someone you can sit down with in person. Unfortunately, a lot of the problematic people online offer these types of services online, often through paid models.
Young men, at this point, are no more lost than anyone else has been. The only thing that's different is that it's a level playing field with others. Listening to people who tell you otherwise or blame others for where young men find themselves will only make you further lost.
Thank you for this well-thought-out explanation. I have wondered whether this "lost feeling" is due to not knowing how to operate in a level-playing-field environment.
Jack, I applaud you for this post. Would you like to help shift the course of your generation? I invite you to contribute to our Substack, www.graycollar.com. Let me know. We need yiur voice.