Social and Professional Comparison
My students have started to appreciate my blend of economics and professional development content in class. They call them “Dr. A Lessons.” Here is my take on The Relative Income Hypothesis (RIH).
Most people don’t feel behind because they are behind. They feel behind because they are comparing themselves to the wrong things.
Over the past 24 hours, I’ve had the same conversation three times, about comparison and its impact on well-being. This morning, Stephen Day ’s post on Paper Robots, “The High Cost of Hanging Out,” pushed that idea even further.
We’re not just comparing. We’re comparing in ways that guarantee we lose.
Let’s talk about comparison early in life, financially, at work, and why the pressure feels stronger today than ever before.
Comparison early in life- to my students
I am teaching first-year students this semester. You are eager and excited to figure out life and rushing to achieve success. You are social beings, so you look around to identify how you are doing. You want a measure of progress, some signal that you are on the right track. I notice it because I was once in your position, too.
Here is the problem, though: you are not comparing yourself to the right group. You often look up to seniors or alumni. Those are great role models, but they aren’t a great measuring stick for your progress.
As a first-year student, you are about to go through a drastic transformation over the next three years. So much will happen that you will be a completely different person. So why compare yourself to someone who is already years ahead?
If you are going to compare, compare yourself to your peers. Better yet—don’t compare at all. More on that later.
Comparison financially
Stephen’s post is about financial comparison and keeping up with the Joneses. My post yesterday about how to save $620 to build a $2 million nest egg was well received—thanks to all who contributed more content to that post.
But here is the reality: we never compare savings. In fact, it is easier to see what your neighbor spends money on, but you have no idea how much is in their savings account. You see the new car, the beautiful yard, the new pool, and the patio. Our social comparison is relative to spending only. We are all spending our way to brokenness just to socially fit in.
If you are going to compare, compare savings accounts.
Comparison at work
Comparison at work can, at times, look like professional competition. I have never operated with this mindset, so it is hard for me to understand, but I see it in others—comparison of titles, recognition, relationships. It creates an environment where people try to outcompete each other, but they would get farther if they worked together.
Here is how I overcome comparison at work: admiration and appreciation. Recognize that comparative advantage means you cannot be great at everything. Others will do things better than you, admire them, and recognize them for what they are good at. That doesn’t mean you cannot set a goal to invest in yourself and develop new skills, but it does mean that someone else’s success is not a knock on your success.
Build teams. I am a collaborator because I know others add value to my goals. The work becomes our work. Our success is mutual.
Social media and comparison
Social spending and relative income comparisons are creating real pressure today.
“Back in our day,” our social circles were smaller. They were deeper, but smaller. Today, our networks are larger, albeit more shallow.
Social media has expanded the comparison set from a handful of people to essentially everyone. You are no longer comparing yourself to your friends; you are comparing yourself to the highlight reels of hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people.
And those comparisons are almost always based on spending and professional highlight reels.
It creates a constant pressure to keep up—to spend more, go out more, do more—just to feel like you belong.
The result? People feel like they are falling behind, not because they are, but because the benchmark has become unrealistic.
You are not supposed to keep up with everyone. That game is unwinnable. Run your own race.
How to overcome comparison
We are social beings. Comparison and relative placement are part of our psychological wiring. Your default mechanism is to compare, but just because we are wired to do that doesn’t mean we need to allow it.
Recognize healthy comparisons—competitions that push you to get better. But when that comparison turns into self-doubt, financial anxiety, or slows your progress, then it is time for a mindset shift.
It sounds like a cliché, but the only comparison I appreciate is one that evaluates my progress today against yesterday.
Spend more time asking yourself: What do I bring to the table? And how can I build on that?
Whether it is social, financial, or work-related, focus less on where others stand—and more on how you are moving forward.
Love this!
I blame social media for increasing the fuel on comparisons. They portray "highlights" and not the full story and creates unnecessary idea of what am I missing out on "FOMO". It takes away focus on oneself, all the growth one has achieved and it feels never enough.